
In dating, DTR stands for “Define the Relationship,” a conversation where partners discuss the current status of their relationship and future expectations. This conversation helps clarify whether the relationship is casual or exclusive, and what each person wants moving forward to avoid misunderstandings and ensure everyone is on the same page.
What DTR involves
- Clarifying the relationship status: Discussing whether you are “just seeing each other,” “exclusive,” or in a committed partnership.
- Setting expectations: Aligning on things like exclusivity, communication, and future goals to ensure you have similar desires for the relationship.
- Addressing the “What are we?” question: It’s the moment to move past ambiguity and get a clear answer on where you both stand.
Why DTR is important
- Provides clarity: It prevents misunderstandings and hurt feelings by ensuring both parties are on the same page.
- Increases security: A DTR conversation can provide reassurance and a sense of security in the connection.
- Helps you decide on future investment: It allows you to determine if you’re both headed in the same direction, so you don’t continue investing in a relationship that isn’t going anywhere for you
How to approach a DTR conversation
- Choose the right time and place: Find a moment that feels right for both of you, not during a fight or a casual text.
- Be clear and genuine: Use your own words to express your feelings and what you’re hoping for.
- Be prepared for any outcome: It’s important to be ready for the possibility that the other person may not want the same thing, and to handle the conversation with grace.

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